What to say when your child is homesick

It might be a first sleepover at a friend’s house, a night at the grandparents’ or school camp. It starts as an adventure, and then the lights go off in an unfamiliar room and the tears come. Homesickness can surprise a child who was so excited to go, but it doesn’t mean they weren’t ready. Usually it shows how much home matters to them.

What to say in the moment

• Say it makes sense: “You miss home. Of course you do. Home is full of people who love you.” A feeling that’s been understood is easier to carry than one a child feels they should hide.
• Send a piece of home along: a familiar pillowcase, a photo, a little note tucked in the bag. Having something familiar to hold in the dark can be a real comfort.
• Give home a shape: “I’ll see you at breakfast,” or “We’ll have pancakes when you’re back on Sunday.” Knowing exactly when home comes back gives the time away an end your child can picture.

The idea underneath

Marcus Aurelius wrote at least part of his private notebook in army camps on the Danube frontier, a long way from home. One note reminds him that he doesn’t need a faraway retreat to find calm.

Marcus meant that a steady place can live inside us, built from the thoughts we return to. For a child, some of that place is home itself: the bedtime words, the songs, the people who love them. Before they go, choose one thing together that they can think of when they miss you. “If you feel sad, think of the three of us at the kitchen table. That part comes with you.” It might be a line from a favourite story, the kind of closing line Stoic Sprout keeps in its Pocket for exactly these moments, so that a bit of home goes with them wherever they sleep.

What to avoid

• Promising to come and get them at the first wobble. Sometimes picking a child up is the right call. But promising a rescue in advance tells a child that missing home is an emergency, and it often fades by morning.
• Making them feel bad either way. A child can miss you and have a wonderful time, sometimes in the same hour. Both are allowed, and a child shouldn’t feel guilty about either.

Mark Fitzgerald · Founder of Stoic Sprout

Mark made Stoic Sprout as a dad in Melbourne, for his own young children, with calm stories drawn from the real Stoic philosophers. More about Mark →

Stoic Sprout builds calm and character. It isn't therapy or medical advice. If your child is struggling in a way that worries you, please talk to your GP or another professional.