What to say when your child is worried about tomorrow

Worry has a way of arriving at bedtime, when the lights are off and there’s nothing to do but think. A test tomorrow, a friend who might be cross, a noise in the hall. The feeling is real, even when the thing being feared hasn’t happened and may never happen.

What to say in the moment

• Take it seriously: never “don’t be silly, there’s nothing there.” A dismissed worry just goes quiet and grows. Try “tell me about it” instead.
• Stay beside them: your steady presence does more than any reassurance. You are the proof that they’re safe right now.
• Look at what’s actually here: gently separate the present from the imagined. “Right now, in this room, what’s actually here? A bed, a blanket, me. And the worry is about something that hasn’t happened yet.” Naming the difference gives the child a handle.

The one exception to remember

Some fears are signals. If a child feels unsafe, believe them and look into it. The practice here is for the everyday worries that the mind inflates in the dark, not for real danger. The skill is telling the two apart, and that’s easier with a trusted grown-up beside them.

The idea underneath

Seneca noticed that we suffer more often in imagination than in reality. The mind runs ahead and builds a shadow larger than the thing that casts it. His advice was simply to look: is the difficulty here now, or has the mind stretched a small thing into a big one?

For a child, that becomes a shape they can use. A frightening shadow in the hallway, looked at closely with a parent’s hand in theirs, turns back into a coat on a hook.

The words to keep

“Is it here, or is it a shadow?”

That’s The Shadow Before the Door, a Stoic Sprout story about the worries that grow before anything has actually happened, and how looking closely, together, cuts them back down to size.

Stoic Sprout builds calm and character. It isn't therapy or medical advice. If your child is struggling in a way that worries you, please talk to your GP or another professional.