How to raise a grateful child

We all want children who appreciate what they have, and it’s easy to reach for the nagging route: “say thank you”, “you’re so lucky”, “some children have nothing”. It rarely takes. Gratitude on command is only manners, and a child can feel the difference. Real gratitude is quieter, and it grows a different way.

How gratitude actually grows

• Wonder out loud: “Wasn’t that a good day? I loved the bit by the river.” When a child hears you notice small good things, they start to notice their own.
• Make it a tiny habit, not a lecture: one “what was good today?” at bedtime does more over a year than any speech about the less fortunate.
• Let them off the performance: a forced thank-you teaches a child to perform gratitude. A noticed good moment teaches them to feel it. Aim for the feeling.

The idea underneath

Marcus Aurelius had a simple turn of attention that a child can learn: look at what you have, not at what you don’t.

A wanting mind runs to the next thing and feels a constant small lack. A noticing mind rests on what’s already here and feels full. Marcus went on to suggest a lovely game: pick something you have and imagine how much you’d long for it if it were gone. The favourite toy, a warm bed, the person reading the bedtime story. Teach a child to notice enough, and you hand them a calm that no new toy can buy.

Mark Fitzgerald · Founder of Stoic Sprout

Mark made Stoic Sprout as a dad in Melbourne, for his own young children, with calm stories drawn from the real Stoic philosophers. More about Mark →

Stoic Sprout builds calm and character. It isn't therapy or medical advice. If your child is struggling in a way that worries you, please talk to your GP or another professional.